I’m sure most of you have heard of the trending ‘vision boards.’ While I was in college not too long ago, I was so excited to make my dorm “my own.” There was nothing like the fresh smell of a brand new cork board. Anyone who walks into a stationary store and takes a big whiff will understand lol. I absolutely love being creative and handlettering so, when I finally started creating my own vision board I was psyched. I was Googling, Facebooking, Pintrest-ing, for days looking for the best quotes that I want to embrace in my lifestyle and then I stumbled upon:
‘Be proud but never satisfied’
Immediately I fell in love. As I started my first semester, I wanted to push myself to achieve, but still hunger for more. I was ecstatic, but little did I know this quote would be life altering and not necessarily in a good way.
I’ve always been very independent. I’ve always tackled problems like I had something to prove. I didn’t accept help from anyone. Thanks to all the amazing women in my family, I was raised to be bold, strong, and determined which aren’t bad qualities to have…at all. I just never knew that some of my core values could cause so many major growing pains in my relationship with the Lord.
Recently, I was in a funk. Always yearning for more. I moved to South Carolina for a job, which I adore, but it’s also insanely stressful and sometimes….(a lot of the time)… hard to cope with. Not to mention, I’m away from the ones I love most. In my head, I think ‘okay, I’ll stay here another year, then make it back to Pennsylvania for a job and then I’ll be happy.’ My brain is fixated on striving for more rather than living in the present. It perpetuates the “proud but never satisfied” mentality. Subconsciously what I was saying is “okay, God, I see you, but what you have for me right now isn’t good enough.” I was shoving God’s promises back in His face essentially saying I can do it by myself.
But, no…I can’t.
I wrote those two statements and just stared at them for a second. It was hard for me to realize how I’ve been treating God. I’ve always believed that I could do anything I set my mind to, but does it even matter if it’s not with or of the Lord? No. It doesn’t.
In Matthew 12:30 it says “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” This morning that just penetrated my heart and all my walls. Whoever is not with me is against me. During these times I wasn’t with God. I wasn’t listening to the Holy Spirit inside me when He nagged me to open my Bible. I wasn’t leaning in to the Word every morning to start my day. I had completely invested my identity in work to attempt to make it out of the place that I am now for a ‘greater plan.’ But, what I failed to realize was the greater plan is here.
The greater plan is to be satisfied as I go through these spiritual growing pains and grow closer to the Lord. The greater plan is to be satisfied by finding my purpose to serve and share the Gospel in the area I’m in now. The greater plan is being satisfied where I am and what the Lord is doing in my life and in the lives around me. The greater plan is to be satisfied in God’s promises. The greater plan is to be satisfied.