MJ Minutes: This Season

‘Lead me where my trust is without borders/Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me/Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander/And my faith will be made stronger/In the presence of my Savior.’

What if He is leading you into spiritual warfare? I’m currently sitting at my keyboard, my heart on my sleeve, asking myself ‘is this where am I supposed to be?’

It’s no secret being away from my family and friends is very hard for me. Not only that, my job is one of the most stressful jobs you can have.  I work at a local news station as a newscast director and editor.

When I took this job a little more than a year ago:

I was expecting to continue my great grandfather’s legacy and take my first steps into the broadcast media world.

I was expecting to hone in my passion for live television and get to do what I love for a paycheck.

I was expecting to get high off of the adrenaline of breaking news and by directing high quality shows that I would be proud of.

What I didn’t expect was the spiritual warfare and brokenness I would have to endure.

I see pure evil come across my computer screen on a daily…hourly… basis. My heart sinks as I watch the victims from the Parkland shooting break away from the schools into arms of first responders. My heart breaks as I hear the shots ring out and hear the screams from the victims of the Las Vegas shooting as they run for their lives. I look into the eyes of those responsible as I edit their ‘perp walks’ as if the video of them being taken into custody is  supposed to console the hurting hearts across the nation who were affected. I feel darkness’ presence like a boa constrictor attacking me directly. I can’t help but hurt. I can’t help but be human. I can’t help but question ‘is this where I’m supposed to be?’

‘Lead me where my trust is without borders/Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.

I can’t even count the times that I’ve heard songs and sang those as prayers to God because they had the words that I couldn’t figure out in my heart.

Oceans by Hillsong was by far one of my favorites because at that time I, like most college students, had NO IDEA what they were going to do after school. Pestered by random acquaintances asking ‘What’s your plan for after graduation?’ It took all of my strength to say well, it’s not my plan it’s HIS plan. Needless to say I’m sure they wouldn’t ask me anymore ha.

As most people do, I’ve felt like I’ve had many callings in life. As a child I wanted to be a teacher then as a high schooler, I decided the only reason I wanted to even go to college was because a college degree was a requirement to join the Peace Corps.  When I got to college things changed again. Originally majoring in Journalism but switching to Media Studies and Production and after a long story is how I got here.  

‘Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander/And my faith will be made stronger/In the presence of my Savior’

Being real, as I always am, in my Google Drive this post is titled ‘Oceans Word Vomit.’ I sat down at my desk for some designated blog time and put on my Blog Inspo playlist on Spotify and all my emotions hit me like a freight train. As I was letting my heart worship I was ugly crying and typing a million words a minute to hopefully capture the raw emotional feelings that I was experiencing.

(Sidenote: I’m a stuffer. I push all my emotions down until one day I finally erupt. Maybe it’s over something big or maybe it’s during Monster’s Inc. You never know haha.)

Then, Oceans came on. I felt an overwhelming peace. I remembered all the times I’ve prayed this song and realized that God was answering me. My deepest heart’s desire was to grow in him, to become strong in my faith, and to be willing to go wherever he would call.

After I made the realization of His answer, He spoke to me. A song by Sarah Reeves came on even though it was a ‘set playlist.’ I’ve never heard it before.

If I’m a target for the enemy

 Then it means I’m where I’m supposed to be

 There’s a war that’s raging over me

 But I know the One who holds… the victory

Those simple words set my heart on fire! While I was battling this ‘quarter life identity crisis,’ I realized I wasn’t putting my whole identity in Him. Relying on my own strength rather than resting in His. In Matthew 11:28-30 it says:

28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

By going through this spiritual warfare, I am being tested and tried just as Jesus was. He is teaching me to rely on him even when the wind howls and the ground shakes. He is equipping me for the future. I prayed FOR this season, even if it took me a long time to realize it. I’m excited to see where it will take me and I rest assured in the fact He isn’t done yet. All I can say is “bring it on” because, if I’m a target for the enemy, then this is where I’m supposed to be.

MJ Minutes Uncategorized

11 Comments Leave a comment

  1. I love, love, love your last line. “All I can say is “bring it on” because, if I’m a target for the enemy, then this is where I’m supposed to be.” Amen. I’ve been going through a lot of spiritual warfare lately, too. God often uses the lyrics from a song to work wonders in my heart. This week it was “How Deep The Father’s Love For Us”

  2. Evil is only going to get worse. Instead of thinking about it, I “turn away from evil.” (Psalm 34:14) Do not dwell on evil, or you will spiral down into a living hell. Philippians 4:8, dwell on what is good and honorable. Do your job, then your heart needs to look away after you pray for the victims and perpetrators. Yes, the people committing atrocities deserve to be struck dead, but if you understand that they will scream forever in eternity, you will feel sorry for them, too. Satan has taken over this world, and even the church has become evil. Instead of sitting in the corner sobbing in horror (like I’ve been doing for 3 years), we need to get up and bring the joy and the light of life to all around us, piercing the darkness with light.

  3. Yes! Satan attacks the ones who are doing good. Who pose a threat. Seeing the world’s atrocities is hard. I’m a mental health therapist, my office is filled with pain, abuse, and tears. And it can be overwhelming. But remember, we already know who wins! Lean into God for strength and courage but also peace and rest when you need it. God bless your journey!

  4. So nice to see a Christian writer who is picking up the gauntlet of spiritual warfare. So many times we focus on our own spirituality rather than on the battle we are called to.

  5. I understand, more than you know. Before I was a blocker, I worked in film. Before I worked in film, I was a paralegal. I was the person who poured over the pictures and the medical records. Once you know the sort of things that are out there you can’t close that box. You have a responsibility, though. You find yourself becoming an intercessory prayer for those in the world that would never see your face.

  6. All I can say is “bring it on” because, if I’m a target for the enemy, then this is where I’m supposed to be. Wow! I was just talking to a friend and I was asking God, God at this point where is she supposed to be. The answer is too profound, but she has moved on to somewhere else. Thank you for this.

  7. Sounds to me like you’re where He wants you to be for this season of your life. It could be a long season or a short one but being in the center of His will is the best place to be. Keep up your prayers to remain standing. Blessings, Cindy

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